Crass Midwife

Midwifery Apprenticeship

2011-01-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

I’m very excited to announce the beginning of my midwifery apprenticeship. I have partnered with Julie Hughes and Jen Anderson-Tarver at Mosaic Midwifery for the clinical portion of my midwifery studies. I've been in prenatals for the last 2 weeks with these ladies and have had a wonderful time of getting acquainted (and re-acquainted) with the practice.

Palpating and measuring bellies, listening to baby heartbeats, hearing so many unique stories and plans for homebirth - these are a few of my favorite things. I plan to spend the next 2 years hanging out with these lovely ladies and their clients while I finish my education and apprenticeship.

If you’re interested in homebirth in Colorado and a fabulous midwifery team, please come visit Mosaic Midwifery!

Avoid Interference and Management and Prevent Hemorrhage

2010-04-28T11:50:00.000-06:00

By Michel Odent

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that postpartum hemorrhages
are almost always related to inappropriate interference. Postpartum
hemorrhage would be extremely rare if a small number of simple rules was
understood and observed..

During the hour following birth, I remain as silent as possible and keep a
low profile. I either sit down in a corner behind mother and baby or
disappear, if there is an experienced doula present who has had a personal
experience of this situation. Minutes after birth many mothers are no longer
comfortable in an upright position. This is most likely the time when the
level of adrenaline is decreasing and when the mother feels the contractions
associated with the separation of the placenta. Then the birth attendant may
have to hold the baby for some seconds, in order for the mother to find a
comfortable position, almost always lying down on one side. After that there
is no excuse to interfere with the interaction between mother and baby.

I don't approach the cord and placenta for an hour. Clamping and cutting the
cord before the delivery of the placenta is a dangerous distraction.
Suggesting a position to the mother is another unneeded distraction. Her
position is the consequence of her level of adrenaline. When the level of
adrenaline is low and the mother feels the need to lie down, it would be
unkind and unphysiological to suggest an upright position.

It is only when an hour has passed after the birth-if the placenta is not
yet delivered-that I dare to disturb the mother in order to check that the
placenta is at least separated from the uterus. With the mother on her back,
I press the abdominal wall just above the pubic bone with my fingertips: if
the cord does not move, it means the placenta has separated. In practice,
the placenta is always either delivered or separated an hour after birth,
and bleeding is minimal, if the third stage has not been "managed." I have
never had to inject a uterotonic drug to control the bleeding.

An excerpt from "Putting an End to Women's Global Slaughter: Bleeding to Death," Midwifery Today, Issue 74

Trusting Birth and Chiropractic Care

2010-03-20T16:38:00.005-06:00

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Trust Birth Conference in Redondo Beach, CA. I went into the conference with a general belief that I do trust birth. I came away from the conference having met some amazing women who not only trust birth, but who truly stand for the truth. I'm still processing all that I heard and learned and what it means for me. Meanwhile, here are a few of my favorite moments from the conference:

Dr. Jeanne Ohm opened the conference with information about trusting the process for natural birthing, chiropractic care in pregnancy and the "Dystocia Ride caused by mechanistic procedures". She is doing an amazing work with women and families and I was sad to miss her other sessions. My favorite comment was when she was referring to those that question why vaginal birth is preferred over elective cesarean. She said, "Would you rather chew your food, or have a feeding tube? Would you rather move your bowels or have a colostomy?" She clarified the meaning of the Webster technique as not just the breech technique but rather, "specific chiropractic analysis and adjustment that reduces interference to the nerve system and facilitates biomechanical balance in pelvic structures, muscles and ligaments. This has been shown to reduce the effects of intrauterine constraint, allowing the baby to get into the best possible position for birth."
She also shared a story about chickens setting on their eggs and the "power of one" - how 1 hen taught the others the amazing ability she had as a mother to incubate her eggs. Once she started doing it, they all wanted to do it. We have this same power with our birth stories.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --A. Einstein

Dr. Jeanne Ohm is a practicing DC in a family, wellness based practice since 1981. She's the Producer and writer of the children's chiropractic song, "Power On!" and educational video, "Birth Trauma: A Modern Epidemic." She's the Executive Coordinator for the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association (click to find a chiropractor in your area) and the Executive Editor of Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine.

The "Volvo"

2010-03-12T00:55:00.003-07:00

In my doula training 11 years ago, I had the rare opportunity of doing a cervical exam on the "volvo". This was the term of endearment for the little blue box that contains a bunch of synthetic body parts that allows students like me to assess cervical dilitation, effacement, and fetal position, without having to practice on fellow students or poor pregnant mamas. The term came from my facilitator's daughter who overheard her describing the teaching tool and mentioned the word vulva. However, she thought her mom had said "volvo" and from that point on, this is how it was introduced. It's an amazing tool and I have always wanted to practice on one again, but they are very expensive and I haven't know anyone else who has one - until the midwifery skills intensive in Redondo Beach.
It was a great session and I found that I was actually fairly accurate in my estimations, and even diagnosed a breech presentation. So, once again, the "volvo" was the gateway to learning, and few crass midwifery jokes as well. My favorite was when I offered a miner's cap to my classmate who was trying to "see" what was was happening in there.

We also got to practice placing iv's on a fake arm, sutured "perineums" on a turkey leg, did blood draws, and finger pricks. Unfortunately, for my classmate, the last 2 were on each other.

Overall, a fabulous learning opportunity, great practice, good laughs, and I met some amazing women from all over the states and Canada.

Yesterday We....

2010-03-10T09:44:00.008-07:00

*took a picture of the twins in front of the house they were born in.

*left Provo 4 hours later than we planned.

*played in a "musical McDonalds playland".

*saw sheep.

*watched tons of movies in the van.

*brightened a very dark Las Vegas playground with the vibrance of our children's voices and their wonderful presence. Ameena said, "We're making this park nice for everyone. I'm going to blow some bubbles."

*drove through a blizzard.

*saw the coolest thing ever.....a spinning In-N-Out Burger sign.

*drove through the Mojave desert.

*ate Chipotle.

*arrived in Hermosa Beach, CA at 10p at the home of wonderful new friends.

*were reminded countless times of the blessings in our lives.

Twin Birth Story (Repost)

2010-03-09T07:27:00.001-07:00

I'm reposting this for reference for the story below.
There have been a few different versions of this story and I lost the original when I edited it for the Colorado Midwives' newsletter awhile back. So, this is my attempt to breathe some of the life and details back into it. But, it's a bit long. ;) Our love and thanks to so many friends and family who made this story what it is. Each year, I sit in disbelief and I remember this story and how blessed we are to have these girls.

Two years after our first beautiful homebirth, we were planning our second. I had a very normal and healthy pregnancy, just a bit tired and more aches and pains than the 1st time around, all to be expected when running around after a toddler.
Around 20 weeks, my midwife started getting “ambiguous” measurements when she measured my fundal height. “I could measure it here, or……here”, she said as she moved up a bit on my belly. Then, she and my doula friend Ranelle started to joke about twins, something that was never a possibility, nor was it funny, in my mind. Meanwhile, I also started getting comments from random people asking if I was having twins. Note to those of you addressing a pregnant woman – if you want said pregnant woman to ever speak to you again, never ever, even if you know it’s true, ask a woman if she is carrying more than 1 baby. It’s wrong.
During my 30 week appointment, my fundal height was no longer “ambiguous” but was measuring clearly at 34cm. My midwife felt “a lot of baby” and estimated the weight to be around 6 pounds if it was just one baby. But she estimated size based on the baby’s head to be around 4 pounds. We discussed the possibility that there were 2 babies in there, due to all the “little parts” she was feeling, and she suggested getting an ultrasound. Unfortunately, this was the one appointment (in both pregnancies) that my husband wasn’t able to attend and I was in complete shock. I called him from the car and said, “you’ll never believe what just happened.”
We got a second midwife’s opinion who suggested singleton pregnancy with polyhydramniosis (too much amniotic fluid) and confirmed the suggestion for an ultrasound. So, at 32 weeks, I reluctantly entered the ultrasound office concerned of all of the possibilities that could be causing the excess fluid, still convinced that there was only ONE baby in my belly. After a few normal questions, and about 3 minutes of scanning, the ultrasound tech asked, “Did you know you are having twins?”
WHAT?! My husband laughed, I cried.
I was completely overwhelmed. We have no history of twins in either of our families and though we joked about the possibility earlier on, I just “knew” it wasn’t possible. Ranelle had always prayed for twins for herself and at one point during my pregnancy had said, “Well, maybe God is giving you the twins”. I made some sort of desperate comment about how he would be making a horrible mistake if that was the case. She sweetly replied then, and many times since then, that God doesn’t make mistakes.
All I could think about was that I would have to give up my homebirth (and by the way how in the world were we going to take care of these babies!? but that's a whole other story). Homebirth is completely legal in Colorado and parents have the right to make the decision about where they have their babies, and who attends them (including having an "unassited" or unattended birth). The reason I thought I would have to give up my homebirth, is that we were not comfortable with an unassisted birth and due to the regulations for Colorado midwives, our midwife would not be able to attend us. Midwifery is regulated by DORA (Department of Regulatory Agencies) and the midwives have partnered with DORA to create statutes, rules, regulations, and policies regarding their practice. Included within the regulations, are also restrictions and in Colorado regarding twins, they read, "midwife shall refer mothers for evaluation by a qualified licensed health care provider and shall not continue as the care provider when a multiple gestation or a presentation other than vertex at the onset of labor are noted."

However, having been a hospital doula for 7 years, I couldn’t imagine how I was ever going to have a hospital birth. I had seen too much and my fear was too deep - I believed I would cause my own c-section.
We began to weigh our options. Do we still consider a homebirth? Isn’t delivering twins scary? Maybe we can talk the HMO staff into considering an “alternative” twin delivery in the hospital.
We talked with a very nice OB with one of the best reputations within the HMO who, after offering us an elective C-section, gave us statistics like "75% of twins born (in our hospital) are delivered by section" and "prolapsed cord and breech presentations are common and serious complications of delivering twin B." She delivers one set of twins a year, about average for all the other OB's. She said, “The doctors at our hospital like to think that they are prepared to do nothing and everything,” but she gave every indication that they would most likely do everything because "we’re not calm when twins come in and we don't sleep well when something goes wrong and we lose a baby or a mom. We really don't."
She suggested my husband do his own research using the resources available to him through the HMO as an employee. What he learned was that with as healthy as I and the twins were, the risk was not higher than a normal healthy singleton birth. We talked to many midwives who said that "if mom is eating right and babies are healthy, you should go to term." This coupled with the fact that we had no choice or control over which of more than 25 physicians would attend our birth, helped us come to our final conclusion.

Believing that home is a safer place to have healthy babies than the hospital, we began to believe that this was the safest place for the twins to be born!

So the question changed from “Isn’t delivering twins scary?” to "Who is more confident in their ability to assist vaginal birth of twin and breech babies?" Gabbe's Obstetrics and many of the studies supporting vaginal delivery of twins warned that the delivery should only be performed by someone well-versed and comfortable with external version and breech extraction. Our OB said that breech extractions were becoming more common with the increase in twin births, but most doctors still tend toward cesarean. And again, we had no control over which of the many HMO OB’s would actually be on-call for our birth and whether the one attending would be more comfortable with a breech extraction, or a c-section.
With all of the information we gathered regarding our choices and my growing anxiety around a hospital birth, we began to believe this wasn’t the best option for us. However, unassisted birth or asking a CO midwife to put her license on the line for our “underground” experience, didn’t really seem like a viable option for us either.

So, I sent out a probing email to a few of my midwifery mentors asking them what suggestions or ideas they might have to help us have the natural birth and holistic care for our newborns that we were hoping for. What followed, was nothing short of a miracle. I learned that in many states, unlike Colorado, the regulations did include vaginal breech and multiple gestation. Some of these include Tennessee, Texas, and Utah.
I put out a call to my natural birth community and the flood of emails and phone calls of support was absolutely amazing. We began pursuing The Farm in Tennessee, due to their amazing statistics regarding normal vaginal birth at their birth center, and were amazed to find that those numbers included twins and breech babies! I spoke with Ina May and she was encouraging and supportive but couldn’t confirm a place for us until one of her other twin mamas gave birth. With the help of our Colorado midwife, we were put in touch with her mentor and midwife in Texas. She was happy to accept us as her clients and we continued to move closer in our plans to leave Colorado.
A couple of days later, a doula in Austin heard of our story and suggested a wonderful and experienced midwife in Utah, even closer to home. After we interviewed each other, she invited us to come on out. Simultaneously, the Texas midwife had a freak and debilitating horse accident and called to let us know that she was sorry, but she wouldn’t be able to help us with our birth after all.
From there, a cascade of people knowing people pulled everything together, including a double-wide trailer with 3 bedrooms, minimally furnished by new friends, and air-conditioning – all for just the basic cost of utilities. In a matter of 4 weeks, we made the temporary move to Utah.

The first couple of weeks went by pretty quickly. Caleb went to work each day using the wifi connection at the Borders coffee shop in the next town over, about 10 minutes away. Malachi and I spent our days playing in the park, exploring the town, visiting our favorite natural foods store, and playing in our “yard”, with “Goldie” the dog on the other side of the fence. In the evenings we would pick Caleb up from “work” and go for a walk on the trail, take a swim, or explore the town. We took many weekend trips visiting Bridle falls, Strawberry Reservoir, and Salt Lake City and the temple.

About 2 weeks in, our support plan kicked in. We had rotating family members and friends start coming in to help take care of Malachi. The first shift was our sweet sister and brother-in-law. They were a welcome encouragement and new energy to help entertain Malachi. Then, our Colorado midwife and her family joined us as labor support and their daughter was a fun playmate for Malachi. Then, my mom arrived as Brigitte and Andrei had to head back to Colorado. We always had loving support by our side which made our double wide in a strange town, feel more like home. Though, one by one, they were all running out of time to stay, as my pregnancy continued on and on. My mom approached me with 1 day left before she would have to leave with tears in her eyes.
After a month in Utah and 41 weeks of pregnancy, we had tried almost every “natural” thing to get labor started. When I asked the midwife to check me, she found that I was walking around at 5cm. So, at 5:30p I had her strip my membranes, a big decision for a person who touts no interventions. Her instructions were for us to call her once I was in a "contraction pattern". Right, like that hasn’t been going on for months. So, we headed out for a short walk, a little doubtful. But, it worked like a charm, and by 7p I was having contractions 5 minutes apart, increasing in intensity. When I requested that Malachi and Caleb fill the birth tub, Caleb said, “If you want the tub, I’m calling the midwife”. Reluctantly, I agreed.
The midwife team came flying in the door about 15 minutes later, and there they sat for the next few hours. Caleb and Malachi were so sweet, and Mo was concerned with how much each “traction hurting, mommy”. Around 10p, when he was losing steam, I had my mom take him for a van ride to help him to sleep.
At 11:41p I started pushing on my knees in the birth tub. And, at 12:16 a.m. Acacia was born in the water, in the caul. They broke her bag and passed her to me. My midwife held my belly so that Baby B wouldn't turn in any funky positions. I held Acacia in amazement and before I could imagine how much time had gone by, my midwife said that Baby B was ready whenever I was ready to push. “What, are you serious?!” While holding Acacia, I pushed in semi-sitting position and at 12:26 a.m. Ameena was born in the water, in the caul. It took 2 people to break her bag. We had to stimulate her some, they cleared her mouth with a bulb syringe and she began breathing. Once I knew she was ok, I leaned back in my husband’s arms and wept. And as we held our girls, I felt the weight of the previous 9 weeks lifting……until all 3 kids started crying at the same time. The girls weighed 7# and 7#1 oz, and latched right away. I had minimal blood loss but could barely walk without constant support of my very empty belly. My mom flew home the next day and my mother-in-law flew in to help us return our double wide to its’ previously vacant state and make the two-day trip home. Thirty six hours after they were born, we were packed up and on the road. We made a few stops along the way, including many truck stops (with babies in slings trying to avoid gaulkers and germs), one or two postpartum breakdowns on my part (sorry Karen!), ice cream cones, and an overnight stay in Wyoming.
We made it safely back to a beautiful Colorado welcome from our sweet family and friends.
And, my dear friend Ranelle, you were right.....God doesn’t make mistakes.

Disaster or Adventure?!

2010-03-09T05:46:00.004-07:00

We chose ADVENTURE! What an amazing day!
We awoke yesterday morning at 3a to embark on our first major family road trip in 4.5 years (a story all of it's own), and we've never done it with all 4 kids for more than 3 hours. So, we loaded the last of our stuff and all of the kiddos at 3:45am. They were all so excited for our trip to the beach, and off we went. With joy brimming in our little van, I was determined not to be the usual road-trip-hater that I have been since child-hood. I even took the first driving shift. I was excited about our first real road trip, our destination, the midwifery skills lab, the conference, meeting far away peers and fellow-students, seeing old friends, and the fun ahead with the family.

Caleb was just settling into rest as I turned onto I-70 off of C-470 and there is was in flashing lights, "I-70 CLOSED at Glenwood Canyon, due to a rock-slide." Of course, here we go. "I told you to check the roads", I said as I slugged Caleb in the arm. Don't worry, I lightened up and we began to discuss our options. We came to the quick realization that our plans had just changed pretty drastically and that this would result in a longer day of travel, with less progress toward our destination, and resulting drama from all parties involved. But, we made the best of it and decided to head toward Steamboat instead of Leadville since it was the more adventurous, "road less traveled". We made numerous stops for potty breaks, McDonalds playplace while Caleb did a little work for Freespeech, potty breaks, map-check, snacks, potty breaks, etc. The kids did an AMAZING job and were mostly happy for the entire day. At one point in our trip, Caleb went in to the gas station to ask the locals about our new route. He was in there for what seemed like forever. He finally came out and said, "Well, are you ready for more adventure?" The first time I saw this look on my husband was on our honeymoon when we decided to take a spontaneous trip up to Norway from Finland to see the arctic ocean. It was full of adventure, but not lacking in frustration, and many lessons learned (like, if you relax and laugh at the things that happen when you're spontaneous, it's a lot more fun and makes for a great story for years to come).

So, we forged on, with happy hearts. Around 9a, we stopped in Craig (Caleb's birth town) to play/work at the McDonalds. I got the kids dressed in the bathroom and let them play for about 45 minutes. I was about at my fast food/germy play-place limit when Caleb came in with the news. "Did you figure out a hotel option for tonight?", I asked. "No, but guess what?!" and he shared that our new route would allow us to visit Provo with just an additional 30 minutes added to our trip. Well, who can resist that!? So, we jumped back in the car and headed back down the road. We ended up spending about 12 hours traveling yesterday and today will probably be about the same. But, we were able to priceline a fabulous Residence Inn room with room for all of us, and complimentary dinner in addition to breakfast for the low price of $60!
Thank you Lord for diverting our original plan. We've had an amazing, blessed time and today, we get to start our day by showing the girls the little place they were born in and share their story with them.

Observing the Future

2010-03-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

"As one went to Europe to see the living past, so one must visit Southern California to observe the future." ~Alison Lurie

We'll be leaving in just 5 days on our road trip to California to attend a Midwifery Skills Intensive and the Trust Birth Conference. As a student in a distance program, I'm especially looking forward to the time with my fellow students, amazing midwives, and phenomenal speakers, including Dr. Sarah J. Buckley. It will be a great launch into the next phase of my education and continue to rouse the hope I have for the future of midwifery in our community.

So, stay tuned for amusing road-trip stories, insights from the skills lab and conference, and entertaining picutres of Caleb chasing our 4 adventurous children on the beach, and trying to get a little work done himself....poolside.

I'm blogging again!

2010-02-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time coming and I'm back in the saddle! Excited to share the steps of my journey toward midwifery. Much has happened since my last midwifery related posts. We are now a family of 6 --Malachi will be 7 in April, Acacia and Ameena are 4 1/2, and our youngest daughter, Haleigh, will already be 2 in April!
I am now officially a midwifery student and am enrolled in a distance learning program at Ancient Art Midwifery Institute. I am scheduled to graduate in 2012 and I look forward to finding an apprenticeship in the next year.
Stay tuned for more exciting updates!

Baja Babies!

2007-03-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

So, we are not really loving the snow after 8 days in the Baja!
This picture was taken in Cabo San Lucas on the Pacific side on Tuesday 2/27/07 right before we left to come home to snowy Colorado!

My Heroes

2007-01-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

Noah - Crowned in Peace

2007-01-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Truly "Crowned in Peace" is Noah Steven Graves.
There is "Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken", not in Noah, anyway...

Noah Steven Graves

2007-01-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

In honor of you as you honor our Father
Thank you for your beautiful life.
Jason, Adrienne and Emily,
thank you for sharing with us your son and brother and most of all God's love.
You call me to the side of God and make me a better person.
I am forever grateful.

3 Months Later.....

2006-12-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Here's the email I wrote to the director of the Philippines midwifery school when she wrote to request a final interview before making their acceptance decision. I received her email on Friday night - about 4 hours afer Caleb accepted his new position at NavPress. I applied on September 26th.
It's truly amazing as we walk by faith and not by sight. Our Lord does seem to have it all planned out, doesn't he?

Dear (director),
We have been praying long and hard about this decision, as you can imagine.
We have such a heart for the birth center and have become very emotionally attached over the last couple of months through pictures, blogs, and stories of the people and the work that is being done. We want very much to be a part of this wonderful endeavor but feel that we will have to delay our journey at this time.
This is a much longer conversation than I can contain in an email, but here's a few summarized points.

We have many reasons for making this decision.
One of our desires in coming is that we would be able to have a financial plan that does not include going into debt, as we have just spent the last 4 years getting out of debt with the intention of becoming more mobile. We feel this would be best accomplished if we are able to sustain some of our own living expenses through work that my husband may be able to do at a distance. He has just accepted a Senior Editor position with NavPress here in Colorado whose leadership and employees have a global vision and culture of missions. We have already shared our plans with them and have been told that they will support us in a short term vision trip and intensive skills training opportunity sometime in the next couple of years.

Secondly, I am the co-founder and director of a young non-profit family organization. I am worried for Xylem's success if I were to leave in such an early stage without an adequate replacement. However, I will be working toward transitioning many of my responsibilities by training and mentoring others to allow me to focus more on missionary midwifery in the future.

And the biggest issue is that I'm not quite ready to be away from my little ones for such a length of time each week.

My current plan is to continue on with midwifery training here in the states at a slower pace and reevaluate in a year based on what I have been able to accomplish. At that time, we would like to plan to come sometime the following year (2008) for apprenticeship/intensive skills training. This trip would not only be to fufill NARM requirements (catches, prenatal numbers, etc) but act as a vision trip and aquire training for missionary midwifery. Our heart still aches for missionary midwifery and the idea of learning how to operate a birth center in developing countries. I would love to schedule a time to chat and have you tell us what this might look like if we were to come for an apprenticeship/intensive skills training. What length of an apprenticeship/intensive would be necessary to learn this aspect of the program?

Thanks so much for all of your help and consideration of my application. I would love to hear any feedback or questions you might have.
I look forward to talking with you again soon.

My Husband the New.....

2006-12-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

Senior Editor for NavPress!!

Please join me in congratulating Caleb in his new position.
I am very excited for him and can't wait to see how God will work through him and this opportunity.
His last day with Kaiser will be 12/21 and he'll start his new job at NavPress on 1/2/07.
He will be working in Colorado Springs so our next step is to figure out where we're going to live.
Currently, we're considering living in Denver or moving to Castle Rock but don't have any plans to move to the Springs.

Thanks for all of your prayers and support. We have appreciated them and continue to covet them as we embark on the next stage of our journey.

Heartache

2006-10-14T21:23:00.000-06:00

In my last post I asked the question "How much will we really miss or be missed?"
The biggest ache in my heart comes when I think about leaving my family. Maybe it's because I've never lived anywhere but Colorado, within 30 minutes of both of my parents. Or, maybe it's because 2 years in a 33 year old person's life is not a lot of time, but in a growing toddler or parents and grandparents who are getting older, each day is a treasure.
Are we really supposed to leave? Really Lord? When your word says to leave all that we know, which may include our family, in order to come follow you...I don't know if I'm capable. Is this what you are asking of me?
Or, is it as Russ suggested, that there is a reason we are born where we are and placed in the family and town that we find ourselves.
I know my life will be forever changed if we make this journey, for the good. And, sometimes, I feel as though I NEED to go. I need to experience a life that doesn't have access to every creature comfort and in a way I feel I need to be forced to rely more completely on God.
Lord, give me strength and wisdom. Prepare our hearts and the hearts of those we love - I pray for your will and not just my own.

I got an email from the director today and our next step is to schedule a phone meeting with them as soon as possible to discuss some of our questions (especially WHEN will we know the final acceptance decisions?!)

Waiting!*#$!

2006-10-13T14:35:00.000-06:00

I hate waiting. Patience is a virtue, and one I don't have.
My application is in to the school and now I just have to wait. I have only had a couple of emails in a month's time from the director. I have so many questions and they have so little time to answer them. They run such a big operation with so few people. They are planning to deliver around 300 babies there this month in a facility that normally does about half that in 6 labor and 2 pospartum rooms.

We have had lots of conversations with people over here and over there - Missions gurus, current and former missionaries, students, family, friends, wise people.

I've found a few current students and 1 who is enrolled for the Sept semester to chat with online. There is 1 student, Heather, who is a current student with a family. I asked her for some of her honest feelings about the program and most of all balancing the workload with family life. She said that Davao is a wonderful place to live and on some days she feels it's a great experience for her family and on others, she would tell me I'm crazy for considering it. She said that the school is sensitive to students with families and allows a lighter load with just 2 birth room shifts (just changed from 12 hour to 8 hour shifts) a week, one 4-hour prenatal day and then there's the homework, sometimes requiring 10 hour days away from the house to complete assignments. So, my goal would be to complete book reports and get ahead as much as possible before going down there. It's encouraging to know of their sensitivity to families as one of my main concerns is not being able to see them enough. Though, as busy as I am here, especially when you add midwifery school to my current responsibilities, it doesn't really look much different, and sometimes even seems like less.
The other person I've been emailing with is Jennifer. She's been an answer to prayer. Her and her family are selling all they own and moving there in May. She's from Alaska and has 7 kids, 2 of which are adopted from Sierra Leone. They've been talking with the school/directors for 3 years and have a bit of inside information that is helping me with the lack of details from the school. She says to be prepared for them to talk us out of coming, as it is difficult with a family. The main issues are usually that dads/husbands struggle with not being the breadwinner as there is really no source of work or income for foreigners. The 2nd is for the moms/wives to not be the sole care provider. I think this is something I would have a harder time adjusting to than Caleb, as he looks forward to the change and can't wait to spend more time with our kids. When I think of how hard it will be for me, I remember that he's had to leave home and be away from us every day for 3 1/2 years and he deserves a turn.
Jennifer's family is going to be meeting with the director in November or December in Portland and suggested we might want to do the same. This is good and bad, as we've been strongly considering visiting the Philippines around that same time, but feel it wouldn't be advantageous to go if the director isn't there. On the other hand, it would be nice to not have to spend the money to go all the way over there. Our concern is not having the first hand experience of Davao, the Philippines and the clinic/school. But, as I said, we wait.
We had a meeting with our pastor and I asked him to just tell us what to do. He just laughed at me. He said, "Angela, you will serve the Lord whether you are here or there and they will both be good. Now you just have to decide which one is best."
Some days I feel as Heather said, this could be a great experience, and on others I think we're crazy for considering it. What I keep coming back to though is that as much as my ministry here is needed and valued, people are not dying here because of lack of care.
I told Caleb last night that what strikes me is that if we go and it is the best thing, we'll know it and we may have a hard time coming back. If it's not the best thing, we come home, and how much will we really miss or be missed for such a short period of time? And, if we don't go, we will always wonder if we should have.
There is still much to consider and in time I know the answer will be made known to us. Meanwhile, all I can think of is how much needs to be done in a window of time that is growing increasingly smaller (selling all we own including our house and cars and raising support, just to name a few).

Here We Go

2006-09-20T23:02:00.001-06:00

Well, here we go with the first "fleece" if you will. We decided today to go ahead and apply to the school. So, I'll write little essays about what a great Christian I am and all the reasons that I will be a great missionary midwife and we'll see what happens :) The suggestion from our pastor was that though he hates to say it because he wants us to stay here, based on our hearts and how this has all come together, we should probably plan on going until God closes the door.
I asked Malachi what he thought about going on an adventure. He said "like Dora?" and I said, "Sure, kinda like Dora". We'd be able to go to the beach and the mountains and see lots of fun and different things and help people. He said "sure, as long as I can bring my trucks, my books and my movies, applesauce and chips."
Gotta love him.

Ebony and Ivory

2006-09-18T16:09:00.000-06:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Philippines or Ninevah?

2006-09-18T00:18:00.001-06:00

So, last week I stumbled upon an exciting possibility for our family. I was searching the net for midwifery supplies and came across a link I hadn't seen titled International Midwifery School. "Earn a degree in midwifery while serving on the mission field". Hmm, sounds interesting. I read the brief description to Caleb while he was watching a movie and he paused the movie and said "let's go!".
See, since we were engaged, we've always talked about serving on the mission field together. We blame it on our dear pastor friend who married us, Jim Kimbriel. He said that the world needs our skills and the work we could do together could be amazing. So, we started searching it out, trying to make it happen. Then, when we started working through the details, we were told, "You need to get out of debt, slow down a little, take your time, maybe the mission field is for the next generation - for your kids." What? OK. So, we set a plan to be out of debt in 5 years which included major budget cutting, living in a quirky 2 bedroom apartment on Zuni st for cheap rent, taking out a loan from our parents and being blessed with proceeds from the sale of the family cabin. As a result, we managed to have 3 kids, allow me to stay at home with them, and pay off our debt (with the exception of 1 school loan) by our 4th anniversary. We let go of our plans to become missionaries and just thought that when and if the time was right, the Lord would let us know.
So, out of nowhere, 4 years later, this drops in our lap. And, for the past week, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. So excited, the romantic idea of becoming a missionary, helping people, travelling across the world, Caleb able to be home and not have to work a corporate job, us being able to partner our skills and affect change in the world. What's stopping us, let's go!

And, then we started to freak out. We looked at Davao City on Google Earth, and started researching the city, the school, reading blogs from current and past students, reading about maternal/infant mortality rates, poverty, sickness, sadness. Could the lord really be leading us to do this?
And then I started getting really sad, thinking about leaving my family, my home, all that is familiar and comfortable (which is really scarey considering that I've only lived outside of Colorado for 1 month - when we went to Utah for the twins' birth, a whole lesson of faith in and of itself - you can read about that story in the August 05 archives of Caleb's blog). 2 whole years that we'll miss. And my friend Brenda said, "What will you miss? In 2 years, we'll still be here, sitting around doing what we're doing. And you will have done something" (that Brenda - I want to be like her).

I started hearing verses in my head "Go into all the world and preach the gospel, sell all you own and come follow me"....blah blah blah. And then I started to feel like Jonah - is this my Ninevah? I've always said that the reason I want to be a midwife is to have a skill that could be used anywhere God called me to go. Anywhere but Asia. I don't know why, just not Asia. Australia, great! England, sure! Colorado, perfect, cushy, nice. Just not Asia. And me, a missionary? My words are being challenged - do I really want to be a midwife so that I can be sent anywhere? I wouldn't say that I'm a Holiday Inn camper, but I do like my stuff and my showers - hot ones. I like to be comfortable and I like my air conditioner. But, I don't like that my son has a hard time even considering giving up 1 of his many toy cars to our neighbor who has none. And I really want our kids to experience loving others as God loves them. Can we do that here? Sure. Will we??

(Photos taken by the Jelsmas and other students currently living and serving in the Philippines and Mercy birth centers)

When I see the pictures of these mamas and babies, the midwives, the birth center, the mountains, the sea - I see myself and my family. I can envision us in this land. I can imagine us addicted to the love of these people, and our Lord.
Through tears in my eyes I looked up at my husband and said, "When I stand before Him, I want to him to recognize me as a good and faithful servant".

Many things to consider and lots of details. Much prayer - Lord, open and close doors as you would lead us. Help us to see your path.

Here's a cool study of the Mercy birth centers
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=15310137&dopt=Abstract

2006-08-19T00:40:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday babies!
It's been an emotional day this labor day. One year ago my 2 beautiful girls were born.
Wow, what a year it has been. It's been full of dreams, nightmares, scrapes, bruises, hugs, kisses, crawling, walking, new teeth, and lots of LOVE.
We are so thankful for you!